I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
