I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
