I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
