theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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