She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
