We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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