if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
