The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
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we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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