return my video game
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
