I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
