I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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