Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I love you. Go after that dick
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
