I faked an abortion last night.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
