at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
