I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
