i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
