I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
