I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I smell like Dick and happiness
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
