My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
