i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is Oprah even human
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
