she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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