I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
