She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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