we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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