I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
