Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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