I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
