dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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