u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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