he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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