I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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