Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
