That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
