proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
