You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
