Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
