I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
