I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
