ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
