He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
