Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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