Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
