grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My dick has a subreddit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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