We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
