We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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