i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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