The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
