Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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