dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
