Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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