fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
