there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
