i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
love makes seman taste better
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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