Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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