So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drake has all the answers
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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