Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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