Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
