Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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