Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
