What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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