I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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