You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
