guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
