I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
