Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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