See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
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