mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I could make wine with my vomit
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
