The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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