im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
