Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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